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Facing rejection, especially when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. Someone is turning you down, delivering a clear “No.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began pitching story ideas 50 years back, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had multiple books declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many short stories. During the recent score of years, concentrating on commentary, the denials have multiplied. In a typical week, I get a setback multiple times weekly—totaling more than 100 annually. In total, rejections in my profession run into thousands. By now, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

But, is this a complaining outburst? Far from it. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Have I Accomplished This?

For perspective: Now, almost everyone and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my acceptance statistics—it would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, a newspaper editor nixed 20 submissions in a row before saying yes to one. A few years ago, at least 50 editors rejected my memoir proposal before someone accepted it. Subsequently, 25 representatives declined a book pitch. One editor even asked that I submit articles less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

Starting out, all rejections stung. It felt like a personal affront. It was not just my writing being rejected, but who I am.

No sooner a submission was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• Initially, shock. What went wrong? Why would these people be blind to my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe it’s the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to judge on my efforts? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a martyr?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often accompanied by optimism). How can I convince you to see me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, depression. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this for decades.

Excellent Company

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of creators whose manuscripts was initially rejected are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his youth squad. Many Presidents over the recent history had earlier failed in races. The filmmaker says that his script for Rocky and bid to appear were declined repeatedly. For him, denial as a wake-up call to rouse me and get going, not backing down,” he has said.

The Final Phase

As time passed, as I reached my 60s and 70s, I entered the final phase of setback. Understanding. Now, I more clearly see the many reasons why a publisher says no. For starters, an editor may have already featured a like work, or be planning one underway, or just be thinking about that idea for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my pitch is uninteresting. Or the reader feels I am not qualified or reputation to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the market for the work I am offering. Or was busy and reviewed my submission hastily to recognize its quality.

Go ahead call it an realization. Any work can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Many explanations for denial are forever out of your hands.

Within Control

Additional reasons are your fault. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my grammar, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The key is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a personal story, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. These works have appeared in publications large and small, in local, national and global platforms. My first op-ed appeared in my twenties—and I have now submitted to many places for five decades.

Yet, no blockbusters, no author events publicly, no spots on popular shows, no speeches, no honors, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can better accept no at my age, because my, small accomplishments have softened the jolts of my frequent denials. I can now be philosophical about it all today.

Valuable Setbacks

Denial can be instructive, but provided that you listen to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What teachings have I gained?

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